Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
