i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
