party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
