just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
