I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
