i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
