if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
