Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
