First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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