is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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