The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
