Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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