I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
