meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
