We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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