mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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