So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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