And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
