careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
