Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
