The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
