I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
