how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
