There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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