I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
