Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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