1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
