She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
