I wish life had little blips of pornography
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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