my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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