Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize