my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize