The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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