is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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