he puts the penis in happiness.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
try to milk me bitch
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