and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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