i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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