The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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