Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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