Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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