How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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