I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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