I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
