So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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