first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just took my morning after pill in the library
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
