the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
from now on my penis is your penis
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
