I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
there is glitter all over my balls
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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