My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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