If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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