ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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