What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize