I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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