you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
