She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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