i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize