So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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