So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
