we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
