how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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