the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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