in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
