I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
