I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
